NGE: The Will To Think
by Mr. Apollinax
Summary: Shinji starts to perceive the truth as his conscience develops through thought & philosophy. Will he understand in time to change the outcome of things ? All characters are dealt with, though I'll focus more on the 3 children. Starts before NGE timeline.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. I own a pair of pants and some old books, that's all you get if you sue me.  
  
Preliminar Notes: This story is going to focus on the three pilots as well as Gendo Ikari for the most part. The premise is that Shinji will learn to use all that thought he produces as a means to understanding his world and those in it, this will not be an easy journey for him since the mind is no easy thing to control or understand. This development of the mind will later flow into action and this will change the outcome of the series. Anyway I am giving my best shot to write an entertaining, mind provoking story. The story begins before the NGE timeline but catches up after chapter 3 and goes through the series. The characterization in a story is of utmost importance, thus, I will try to maintain characters true to their nature, however if they change their behavior for the purpose of the story I will try to make these changes logical by elaborating on them. I hope you like it and if you don't please tell me how can I improve. Also I want to thank wolf_soul for helping me in the editing process. He was of great help. This part is just the prologue, that's why it is so short since it's just an introduction to my story.  
  
-  
  
Average Joe presents " NGE: The Will To Think. "  
  
  
  
*** The Will To Think ***  
  
" Several years before the events in NGE ... "  
  
-  
  
Two adults, both teachers in a Tokyo-2 elementary school, were staring at a lonely boy who, for quite a while now, had caught the attention of the school faculty because for some peculiar reason he had no friends and always seemed to be depressed.  
  
" A lonely boy he is indeed. There isn't a single kid who has befriended him or who even likes him, to my knowledge. Even the bullies leave him alone, because they think he's creepy. "  
  
" How sad that must be... To be all alone & always scared. "  
  
Suddenly, both grown-ups caught a glimpse of Shinji staring at them with lifeless eyes, and they felt a mixture of sadness & fear.  
  
" Serial killers begin just like that boy, " one of them commented gravely.  
  
-  
  
Ikari Shinji knew he was being stared at... he was a weird kid, or so he felt. He had seen his schoolmates talking amongst themselves, sharing a bond they called "friendship", yet he could not recall ever having a friend. " People leave you behind, " he said in a whisper while staring lifelessly at both grown ups who, he knew were staring at him.  
  
Alas, Ikari Shinji felt no "elan vital " from within. He acted out of inertia, to avoid conflict as if trying to preserve whatever small amount of life energy he had, to be lost in a quarrel. He enjoyed no sport, he did not cared one bit about anything, he disliked toys, video games, and school. He didn't even like eating.  
  
"You should eat." That was what his professor always said to him, so he ate. He could remember his professor trying to start a conversation, he just nodded, " whatever " he always thought. Then he would thank his professor and leave for his room, he would make homework so to avoid conflict with his school teachers and lie in his bed listening to his SDAT.  
  
His SDAT, this he enjoyed at first, it was a gift from his professor. "Since," his professor would say "music is somewhat like life... a flux of notes, from beginning to end." "Whatever..." Shinji would think, even he could see his professor wasn't really smart at making analogies. So he accepted the gift and got to like it, until he got stuck with two tracks of one of his albums, track 25 & 26, he would not listen to anything else. With time, he stopped enjoying them but he still listened to them and stuck to his routine.  
  
His professor often worried that Shinji had no interest in life, and took Shinji's earlier enthusiasm in his SDAT as a good sign, and thus signed him up for some cello lessons. Shinji did as he was told, quickly grabbing an understanding of the workings of music. The professor saw that Shinji was skilled with the cello and bought him a cello so that he could practice on his own, at home. The professor told him that since the cello had not been cheap, he should practice at least three times a week to make the investment worth it. And so, Shinji began to practice a couple hours three times a week, no more, no less; avoiding any problems.  
  
To Shinji, each day seemed no different than one that came before. He would wake up, the professor would have already left, so he would walk towards the kitchen & cook himself breakfast. He never spiced it up, only when they had guests did he add flavor to the meals, whenever he was alone he would eat anything until he was full, then he would head towards the bathroom to take a shower. He never felt an urge to sing like he had seen characters do in cartoons, or like he had heard his professor do whenever he took a shower late in the afternoon. " I am weird " he would think as he dried with whatever towel was at hand. His hair would flatten and he would leave it at that, no spray, no mouse nor gel. He would put on his uniform and this would be his all day clothing.  
  
He would then take a bus or maybe walk, one of the few respects his routine varied a little from one day to next. His routine would also experience a slight variation whenever he had to do his laundry. He knew how to do all those things. People would explain things to him, and so, in order to not have to listen to them again, he would do his best to understand and do them without further problem. He wasn't even ten years old & yet he had an independence that most people don't have until their mid twenties, though he was not aware of this, as he was also not aware of his capacity for understanding.  
  
There was, however, one thing he did constantly between his journeys from school to home & vice versa, also while he did his laundry, when he cooked, took a shower or listened to his SDAT. He was always thinking, yet this did not seem to be a thing that one does, since the verb " to do " has always a relation with action & actions are perceived as being the interaction amongst concrete objects in a tri-dimensional space, neither ideas nor thoughts were concrete objects, thus they cannot be perceived by the senses in the way other activities like sports are. And yet, Shinji was a thinker, who did not know how to think properly.  
  
-  
  
** Blue Thoughts / An Allegory of the Den **  
  
" Commander, the time has come again to perform those studies on Rei, " said Dr. Ritsuko Akagi with a tone that overreacted professionalism.  
  
" Is that so ? " asked Ikari Gendo knowingly " then, do perform them Dr. "  
  
" I believe it would be more helpful if you came and ordered her to be submissive, " replied Ritsuko with a solemn gesture.  
  
" Indeed, let us go then. "  
  
" May I come ? " asked Fuyutsuki, to Gendo's surprise.  
  
" Why is that ? " questioned Gendo.  
  
" I'm just curious. " was Fuyutsuki's reply.  
  
Gendo appeared to be thinking the matter over. Finally he spoke.  
  
"Rei has not seen any other human beings than myself, Ritsuko & a couple of physicians, maybe it will be stimulating for her to broaden her social circle. "  
  
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko did not know if the commander spoke seriously or if he was just plainly being mean. Gendo quickly perceived this & although he needn't give any explanations to no one, he felt that it was not important whether he told them what he thought or not and so decided to tell them.  
  
" It is not as if I enjoy seeing her in that room all the time, but for the sake of the project things must stay like this for a while, in time she will be allowed to know the world outside her room, above the Geofront. "  
  
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko nodded and the three of them headed towards Rei's little room in the intricate installations of the Geofront.  
  
-  
  
" Hello Rei, " said the commander in a cheerful tone, his lips curved upwards just a little. Ritsuko could never get accustomed to his behavior around the girl, he was so cold to everyone, even to her in the most intimate moments. That made her sick to her stomach. Fuyutsuki noticed.  
  
" Hello commander, " was Rei's cheerful response, as she smiled and her eyes seemed to sparkle.  
  
To Fuyutsuki, who had been told by Ritsuko that Rei was a terribly unemotional girl and that she seemed to have no connections to the world, this was an unexpected behavior and yet it made sense that Ikari would show some emotions to Rei and since Ritsuko did not seemed to be in friendly terms with the little girl and neither were the physicians who sometimes attended her, it was also logical that Rei would develop an emotional bond with the commander. Rei was after all human in some sense, and so was the commander even if some people would remain more skeptic about that. It was after all, Gendo's human side the one directing the project, his own all too human desire to reunite with Yui, even if this meant not having a family in the mean time.  
  
" We are going to perform some tests now, ok Rei ? " said the commander patting Rei on the head.  
  
" Ok, but then let me show you something. "  
  
Rei took the commander's hand and led him to a table in the corner of her little room. Several books were there, all of them opened and some of them were of pictures.  
  
" I was reading this book, " she said pointing to * The Little Prince * by Antoine de Saint Exupery " and I couldn't understand what an elephant was, or what an anaconda was, so I looked it up on this encyclopedia that you brought me, " she pointed to a large book with some pictures of elephants " here it says all about elephants and anacondas, is it true what it says commander ? that elephants are really big, bigger than people and that anacondas can eat large animals without chewing them ? "  
  
The commander who listened to all Rei had to say patiently and without losing his smile nodded.  
  
" It's true Rei. "  
  
" There is a part in the book, " Rei said, suddenly losing her smile " were the little prince wants someone to draw him a lamb, and since he's unsatisfied with all the drawings, one person ingeniously draws a box with holes on it and tells the little prince that the lamb is inside and that it breaths through the holes. " She looked up, her eyes seemed to widen. " So I was wondering if, when you leave the room through that door, you go into some place like that, where I think you exist even if I don't see you and if this also happens to you when you don't see me ? I mean that you know I exist even if you are not seeing me. "  
  
Fuyutsuki was amazed at the girl's insights, he looked around to see what the reaction of his companions were. Ritsuko had her glasses on and seemed to be writing something in her notebook. The commander did not seem surprised, he only seemed thoughtful.  
  
" Yes Rei, I know you are still here even when I am gone and you must know that I will be here whenever you need me if it's within my possibilities to come, ok ? "  
  
" Ok, " the girl nodded.  
  
" Now let's get these tests done " the commander said signaling Ritsuko with his eyes, both Ritsuko and Rei understood this gesture, and as Ritsuko took hold of Rei's hand, Rei's features changed in a second from being one of joy to one of lifeless submission, Fuyutsuki just watched all of this quite amused.  
  
-  
  
** Emotional Thoughts / The Fire that Gnaws the Mind **  
  
Sorhyu Asuka Langley looked at the problem in her notebook, just some math here and there, she wondered how could someone call a problem to something that's so easy.  
  
" Calculus is for morons, I know it all already, " she said as she turned her paper to the professor who was watching her perplexed " I thought I would stumble with harder problems in university but it is all too easy. " She glanced at her older classmates " what ??? You poor devils, can't you solve it ? "  
  
With this she laughed and stepped out of the classroom, she knew she would probably get a hundred on that test. She could still hear the cursing against her going on in the classroom.  
  
" They just can't stand a little girl being the smartest, " she thought as she made a deprecatory gesture.  
  
Asuka walked on all smiles and with her head up in a gesture of superiority, she did so while she was still in the university building, however as soon as she got to the gardened area and saw that no one was in sight she stared towards the floor and a slouch could be seen in her previously straight back. Her posture seemed to switch each time she was on her own, no one knew though; that the girl who launched those merciless attacks upon them, the little girl who always knew the answers and who seemed to be always smiling her superiority was in truth a very scared, very troubled human being, such a fragile little one with no self esteem whatsoever. So insecure on the inside that she had to use all that energy welled up from within to create a shining shield on the outside, a shield she would let no one see through for if they knew how she felt, they would prey on that.  
  
" People " she thought " are out to get me, they know I am better, and they can't stand it. No one gives a damn about any one else, all walk away at some point or another, " and she hated to think these things, she hated to think about anything, she couldn't endure the pain that came from the truth revealed by the act of thought. And so, she submersed herself in her little world of mathematical abstraction, neglecting reality, & whenever her EVA 02 synch tests had to be done she would do them gladly and would focus her mind solely on the EVA, and it would respond, it would show a synch rate above 65 %, and she would be happy and think of how wondrous she was.  
  
" I am such a genius, " she would say to Kaji " no one can compete with me on any grounds, I am so beautiful & so talented, I am the second child, born into this world to save it from the evil with my mighty unit 02; " and then she would seem thoughtful and add " people can't even understand so easy a thing as math, that is why such a science is only for the privileged minds that can surpass this earthly existence and think beyond it. " This she would say with a solemn gesture, waving her hands in the air as if worshiping some deity.  
  
" My, such huge words Asuka, " Kaji would reply with a sarcastic tone.  
  
But Asuka didn't buy it, after all she had a gifted mind and sometimes her conscience would come back at her and accuse her. " How much nonsense can I say before I truly believe it, " she would think with a sad face and dreamy eyes. And her thoughts would drift to Newton, her hero, her lonely hero who never knew any woman nor had any true friend, who would deal with people only to get his way and people would deal with him only because he understood much more than any of them. Such a wondrous genius, Sir Isaac Newton and yet so alone. " He didn't need any one, " she would think " he had his genius " but how could she be sure ? What if she wasn't that smart ? What if she needed someone ? She knew she needed someone because she didn't even had herself, just a vacuum.  
  
And that was what she was thinking, with a slouch in her back and her eyes set on the floor, she did not realise that there was someone watching her nearby.  
  
" So here's the little genius, " a voice awoke her wandering conscience " such a stupid, know-it-all brat. "  
  
Asuka turned around, rage starting to well up inside her.  
  
" Who the hell are you ??? "  
  
And yet she seemed to recognize him, he was a student in one of her classes, she vaguely remembered seeing his grade just below her's when the grades of the class were posted in the walls just after the exams. He was always second, just below her … always second.  
  
" So where is mommy ? " he asked knowingly for there was some gossip going around  
  
" some say she killed herself, I bet she couldn't stand having some brat like you as her daughter. "  
  
There are no limits to the wickedness of man. Such a sad truth and yet who would dare disprove the facts ? Asuka knew this, she knew people could be cruel, she certainly could be very cruel and yet her shiny shield was weakened by this accusation and her eyes were now moist, an odd feeling in her stomach.  
  
" Why don't you go back to kinder garden kid.God knows no one can stand you here... but you should know that, since you're always alone. You don't belong here, kid " this last utterance was never completed with words and yet a moan of pain seemed to follow those unsaid thoughts.  
  
" SHUT UP !!! " Asuka said as she ran off, her hands in her ears. The student now laid in the floor moaning in pain. Asuka had picked up a stone and skillfully thrown it at his groin, so much for his trouble.  
  
Kaji would arrive at their apartment later to find a crying Asuka. He took her in his arms and held her as he would hold a little sister, signs of worry showing in his features. He stayed by her side, until she cried herself to sleep, and knew that she would not want to talk about it. The following morning she would pretend that she had never cried. He always left it at that, it was his way to support her in their odd little family life. Because, even if Asuka's father and stepmother were in Germany, they had a family of their own and Asuka would only spend time with them on some weekends. Not quality time certainly, for her father knew nothing about her, other than she was a pilot, nor did she know anything about him, except that he had left her mother and herself and that he was a scientist of some type. She would talk to her stepmother at times and her eyes would shine whenever she had a true interest. Thus she lived with Kaji for most of the time, who having an important rank in the NERV hierarchy, was appointed as her guardian. This situation, at least, she was comfortable with, as she felt she cared for him and he for her if even just a little, and so she developed a childish crush on him, which sometimes spoiled his dates. He would just laugh it off.  
  
-  
  
Such were the lives of the three children who, in the not so far a future, would have the fate of the world resting in their hands. Such lonely lives, & yet there was room for hope, since when one has gained awareness of himself he also gains awareness of the ways he can change what revolves around himself; and how does one develop this awareness ? Only with consciousness which can only be born from thought. It is here that our tale begins, a tale of thought development that will later flow into action. Actions that we hope, can alter the fate of the world and the lives of those fighting for this fate.  
  
To be continued …  
  
-  
  
BEWARE !!! The Author Speaks His Mind Next, It Is Your Last Chance To Run Away.  
  
You've been warned.  
  
Author's epic ramblings: This story will be an ongoing series from beginning to end, that is if people like it and I receive enough feedback. Now my comments. Some may protest that some characteres were OOC, however I believe that characters, specially the ones in Evangelion are round ones and we can't just say that they are just one way and that's that. I believe for example that Rei has always had emotions even if some deny it, what makes her the way she is, is the lack of human contact with other beings that seem to be affectionate like Commander Ikari. Commander Ikari I also believe is a misunderstood character, he is no monster, give him a break people, he just wants his wife back in order to have a family, it is one of the reasons why he is cruel with Shinji ( the other being he is afraid of experimenting emotions ), he somehow believes in the future when he and Yui are reunited he will be able to redeem himself with Shinji, or something of the sort I picked from End of EVA. Also I believe he truly cared for Rei, maybe she could be replaced in his project and yet he still showed emotions towards her, he was just a methodical man and his project always came first no matter what, he did use everyone but he was not the inhuman monster some say he is.  
  
About Asuka, many despise her and many adore her, I believe a more scientific approach most be taken so to analyse her personality in depth, she is I believe more toubled than Shinji himself, or at least she is at the same level as he is. Her ways of reacting to the world are different though, that personality of hers that many enjoy and many despise. She is one of my favorite characters in NGE because of her complexity. I made her university career be related to math since she always seems to disprove of discussion and dialogue. I thought that maybe if she disliked that kind of thinking approach to problems she would enjoy a mathematical approach, more precise and complex, with single results, so to entertain her emotional mind.  
  
Shinji will be the main character as in NGE but I will try my best at developing the other characters, however I will focus the most aside from Shinji in: Asuka, Rei, Misato & Gendo. Ritsuko also interests me a whole deal so I will try to explore her too If I am capable of. Regarding romance, Shinji might get romantic with both girls ( Asuka & Rei ), not at the same time however, that has been done to exhaustion, it also will be done tactfully and with extreme attention to details, I find it despicable to see relationships in a fic grow from indifference or anger to love in no time, it is also ludicrous.  
  
Even if I am trying to make this story for all who enjoy NGE I feel obliged to warn the readers that Shinji most probably will end up with Asuka, though I will elaborate on that to make it believable. Also since Asuka arrives at chapter 8 of the series, there will be a long time for Rei and Shinji to spend time together and to explore both of their personalities in depth as well as their relationship before I turn my attention to Asuka and Shinji's relationship. I may change my mind as I write, who knows ?? Thanks for reading. 


	2. The Mind Perceives A Light

Disclaimer: I am no owner, I am just an average guy going about my business, owning nothing, ja !  
  
  
  
-  
  
Average Joe presents *** NGE: The Will To Think ***  
  
  
  
*** CHAPTER I " The Mind Perceives A Light " ***  
  
A couple years before the events in NGE ...  
  
** " Moonlight / Our Knowledge Of The External World " **  
  
Kozou Fuyutsuki found himself enjoying the warm rays of the sun under a blue sky. His mind wandered though, through time and space, to days long gone. 'What am I doing ?' He wondered constantly. In days past he deluded himself and thought he was there with Ikari for the sake of Yui's ideals; he now knew that was a lie. Gendo Ikari's project had gone astray a long time go, no longer seeking Yui's ideals, but Yui herself. Fuyutsuki knew that he'd do anything to see her again... Yui, the woman that had never loved him, the woman that married and loved Gendo Rokubungi.  
  
Ikari was aware of Fuyutsuki's feelings for Yui; that is why he trusted him. They shared a common goal. Ikari knew that neither of them would ever let go of her. However, Fuyutsuki would sometimes hesitate, thinking " Is this right ? " Then he would watch the Commander's will and determination, and feel the urge to stay. Somehow such determination made him think that it was right after all. This was one these moments, yet the Commander wasn't there to set him straight by his example.  
  
Suddenly a fly passed by and awoke Fuyutsuki from his daydreaming, he took a look at his watch and realized that the time had come for Rei Ayanami to meet the world, he also realized that the image of this girl was the trigger of all those thoughts of Yui. " My, how she resembles her... " he thought. And as he thought of this he saw Ritsuko Akagi's figure emerge from a nearby metallic door.  
  
" Hello sir. "  
  
" Hello Dr. Akagi, " he sighed " I trust that everything is ready for Rei to meet the world ?"  
  
" Everything is set sir, I came here only for confirmation. "  
  
" How do you think she will react Dr. ? "  
  
" It's hard to know sir, " Ritsuko said while leaning her head a little and casting her eyes in another direction. " In reality, everything is hard to know with this girl, she doesn't show any emotion to tell us what her thoughts or feelings are. She only shows such feelings in the presence of ... ".  
  
" Of Commander Ikari. " Fuyutsuki resumed, seeing that Ritsuko seemed disturbed by this.  
  
" Yes. "  
  
" Tell me Dr. was it really necessary to keep her in that little room for so many years ? "  
  
" It made it easier for us to examine her, and see if her growth satisfied the project needs, however, I don't believe such a degree of isolation was needed. "  
  
" So ... "  
  
" I believe Commander Ikari had personal reasons to keep Rei in isolation for so long. I think it's because of his late wife ... " At this point Ritsuko's voice sounded almost sad.  
  
" You mean ... "  
  
" That he felt the need to protect her, " she concluded his thoughts, " to keep her for long as possible from the pain that he feels the external world can bring about."  
  
" It can also bring joy. " Fuyutsuki added, with not much conviction.  
  
" It's a belief " Ritsuko answered, skeptically.  
  
They remained silent for a few seconds. Each one's thoughts were filled with a memory of an unrequited love. They both sighed at the same time, and they shared a smile as they realized this.  
  
" This moment is funny in it's sadness, don't you think so too, Dr ? " Fuyutsuki asked with a wide smile.  
  
" Sadly, yes " Ritsuko answered , her lips curved upwards.  
  
Another period of silence ensued, this time it felt awkward.  
  
" I'll go get the girl " Ritsuko finally said.  
  
Fuyutsuki could only nod as he returned to his thoughts.  
  
-  
  
" Where is the commander ? " Rei asked, emotion evident in her words.  
  
" He's on a business trip, Rei, he won't be joining us, " was Ritsuko's answer.  
  
Rei's face showed no emotion at this point, yet Ritsuko could perceive a hint of sadness in her eyes. Somehow she felt sad too, she knew how it was when " he " walked out on you.  
  
" I am sure he would've liked to be here Rei, but this trip was important. "  
  
" I understand, " Rei said " Let us go ".  
  
Ritsuko nodded and both females went on their way.  
  
-  
  
" Welcome to the world, Rei " Fuyutsuki said as he saw the red eyed girl walking out the door.  
  
" Hello subcommander " Rei answered as if programmed to. Her eyes were already exploring curiously the world denied to her for so long.  
  
" Commander Ikari chose this location just for you Rei, he wanted you to be acquainted with the beauty of nature before anything else."  
  
At this point, Fuyutsuki tried to distinguish if his statement had caused any emotions in Rei. He could detect none, but his instincts told him that she was grateful for the commander's choice of location.  
  
Ritsuko watched the blue haired girl as she explored this world of theirs. Wondering what she was thinking. She watched Rei lean over the ground and touch the earth, she watched as Rei extended her little pale hand towards the sky and observed the sunlight in amazement. Fuyutsuki was also watching, deduced why Ikari wasn't present. It would have hurt the man to see Rei finally stepping out into the world, leaving him in a symbolic way maybe. It was like watching a daughter leave your house. Ikari was cold and bitter, but he was not dead.  
  
While Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko observed Rei, she calmly continued her exploration of the world. No one could tell though, how marveled she was, and how wonderful and new it all seemed to her. No one could tell how much she wanted to tell the commander of this experience, or how much this stimulated her curiosity. What they could tell was that she seemed very interested in light; in the sunlight. At first she looked at the sun directly but her eyes couldn't take it and she remembered her readings regarding the sun and the perils involved in staring at it directly, without protection. She knew what everything was called, however, the two- dimensional pictures she saw in her books could never depict the marvelous reality of the genuine thing.  
  
She was there for hours, the commander had given instructions that she could be outside for as much as she wanted that day, and so she stayed outside all day until nightfall, and then, she was dazzled. The spectacle before her eyes amused her deeply and all kind's of new thoughts and sensations invaded her mind and body. Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki were already tired an yet continued watching, since both seemed to enjoy the sight of Rei exploring the world like a little child, even if she showed no emotion, they knew she could feel. Ritsuko felt happy for Rei, even if she had never liked her and even if Rei resembled so much the woman Gendo Ikari loved, even so, in that moment it didn't seem important. And Rei, finally tired, sat down and from the ground, gazed at the Moon so intently that she lost herself in it and without noticing, fell asleep.  
  
-  
  
That same day in Germany ...  
  
** " The Spotlight is What I Like / The Ego of the Superman " **  
  
Germans are tough. They have been since times long ago. It must be remembered that Germans were one of the main problems of the Roman people after the defeat of the Gauls and of Carthage. This was because of their ruggedness and will power. They would attack Roman settlements out of nowhere and after the death of emperor Trajanus they were never pushed back again. Such was their character. They were also strong-minded, giving the world such philosophers as Shopenhauer and Nietzsche. The second would be glad he had an unknowing disciple in Sorhyu Asuka Langley, who indeed believed of herself she was some sort of superwoman, and intended to show the world too. She had a chance in her graduation ceremony, being her the student with the highest average of the entire generation, she was asked to give the graduation speech. And she loved the spotlight, but only so far as it showed her tough and beautiful exterior and not her fragile interior.  
  
" How are you feeling Asuka ? " asked Ryouji Kaji in formal attire, as formal as he could get though.  
  
" I am feeling great Kaji! Just wait, I bet no one has ever, nor will ever again, give such outstanding speech as the one I am about to give. " She smiled confidently.  
  
" We will see about that " said Kaji teasingly.  
  
" That you can bet " retorted Asuka.  
  
Then Asuka noticed the young women from her class all staring at Kaji and saw he was being all smiles with them too. This pissed her off a great deal and she embraced Kaji with all her strength.  
  
" Calm down Asuka, what are you doing ? " asked a suffocating Kaji.  
  
" I am marking my territory so it's clear to all those bitches that they are trespassing " she said, putting an emphasis on bitches.  
  
" Oh my God !! " was Kaji's pitiful cry as a sweatdrop formed on his forehead.  
  
Then he noticed a man he knew all too well staring at him, also in formal attire. It seemed he'd arrived earlier than they had agreed upon. Kaji hoped the man wouldn't order him to go elsewhere, since he wanted to listen to Asuka's speech so much. He knew it was of utmost importance to her and that it would hurt her deeply if he left. However if the Commander commanded, one had to obey, even Kaji sometimes.  
  
" Well Kaji, that's my call, I'm gonna go get ready " Asuka said giving him a kiss on the cheek. Kaji was grateful that if he had to leave she would not realize until her speech was over.  
  
" Good luck " he said, as she ran to the stage waving her hand to him.  
  
The man, who had been watching all of this curiously, took a step forward and soon found himself at the distance of a handshake with Ryoji Kaji. There was no handshake however.  
  
" Good evening, agent Ryoji "  
  
" Good evening Commander Ikari, I did not expect you to arrive so soon. "  
  
" I believe that red haired girl is the second child, pilot of unit 02, am I right ? " the Commander asked, his hands folded behind his back.  
  
" Yes sir, she is, and a helluva good pilot I might say " stated Kaji proudly.  
  
" I've been reported as to her development. I am amazed at her skills also, I was curious as to this public event regarding her ... graduation ? "  
  
" Yes sir, she graduated top of her generation. A dinner is always organized for the graduates and their families to attend, she has been given the honor of addressing a speech to her fellow students."  
  
" What's her major ? "  
  
" She is a math major, sir, and one the best. Although I don't understand about her studies very much. it does seem awfully complicated. "  
  
" The world can always use more scientists, science is mankind's unique tool ... and weapon. "  
  
" I agree sir. However misused science ... "  
  
" Is dangerous. And yet it helped create EVA which may be our only chance. "  
  
Kaji thought Ikari seemed awfully talkative today, yet he wouldn't dare to ask why. Maybe he was feeling down or something, though it certainly didn't showed in that emotionless face of his. He was about to ask the Commander about project Adam when the lights started to fade and Sorhyu Asuka Langley was focused by the spotlight. She was barely twelve years old and yet her beatiful features could no longer be denied. Kaji smiled and prepared to listen to her speech, hoping nothing to pretentious would be uttered. He noticed that Commander Ikari seemed also very interested in what the second child had to say.  
  
The hall fell silent as Asuka took hold of the microphone and read aloud.  
  
" * I don't believe that God plays the dice with the world * said Albert Einstein, most famous scientist of the world, when asked about his opinion on Heisenberg's quantum mechanics and the principle of uncertainty that this mechanics involved. I think Einstein might have been mistaken and that God does indeed play dice with the world. Aren't we human beings by our nature, * unpredictable * ? Or can anyone here predict truly, where is everyone of us going to end, who we are going to meet and what we are going to do, I fear not. We human beings are a troublesome bunch, each one of us has a mind of his own and a heart of his own, and we try to find our way in the world by whatever means we can. Some trust their guts while some trust their brains, and there is always more than one way to think things out, or to feel about something. We are, I believe, the most common example in the universe of the second law of thermodynamics, which as all of us should know, states that with time the disorder in the universe augments. We are chaos and the name * humanity *, if such abstraction could be understood by animals, would surely spell disaster to them. Yet we have common things in which all of us coincide. There are the musical notes that sound the same for every functional ear, there are colors which are perceived the same by people all over the world if they aren't blind or have eyesight problems. And most of all there are numbers and mathematics, that appeal to the mind more than to the senses. Mathematics are amongst human creations, the most beautiful and the most useful. Pythagoras was right when he said the number was the essence of all things and he may have been also right in his claim that the universe was music, the music of the spheres. Since, we all know, music conveys vibration and the theory of the strings in theoretical physics states that at the end of it all, all basic particles are nothing more than vibrations and that the type of vibration determines the particle. All this improvements on thought, have been accomplished through the aid of mathematics because, I believe, the essence of the world is imbued in them and that is why they are not easy, because nothing worthy can be easily attainable. Here I am, fellow students of the science faculties, talking to all of you of a language that is common to all of us, the language of abstraction. We don't need to bother ourselves with lenghty discussions, we just have to calculate to get to the end of the problem. And such is our trait. For, even if life presents us with problems ahead and even if the future is uncertain, we have our numbers, and this is the skill we lend to the world with hope that it will make it better. It has been done before, changing the world with mathematics, all those mental giants that preceded us, like Newton, like Descartes they did it, and we owe the comfort we live in now, to their mental efforts. Some say comfort does not provide happiness, however fellows, I can assure you that comfort at least gives the time to think how to attain happiness, if you like to think about such things. Before mathematics advanced technique to such a degree, people had to endure all sort of scarcities, in water, in food, in energy. Current technique takes a weight off our shoulders and for that we have science and mathematics to thank. Therefore fellows, you must be proud, for science is the noblest of pursuits. And it is the path you chose, so no matter how hard life turns out you must remember you are all scientists and as such you must always look to the skies. "  
  
At this point of her speech Asuka took a pause to have a drink of water. Kaji was thinking how much effort Asuka had invested in her speech, she really was trying to dazzle all the crowd, and it seemed like she was being successful. Even Commander Ikari seemed absorbed by her words. It was funny for Kaji though, to see that a girl so cocky and misanthropic would address her fellow students with respect in order to get their praise.  
  
" She's all vanity, " Kaji thought with a smile, " and yet she is a genius. "  
  
Asuka was ready to resume her speech.  
  
" The thing that amazes me the most about mathematics, is their paradoxical nature. Mathematics brakes with the notion of common sense. You must be ready to engage math with an open mind, for you are bound to see some weird stuff. A curved universe such as the one exposed in the theory of general relativity has to be measured with a different geometry than that of Euclid, like the geometries of Riemann and Lobachevsky, since if you would dare to imagine a triangle in the round surface of this curved universe you would be quick to notice that it's angles do not add up to 180 degrees, but more. Also, you would see parallel lines cross, how is this ? Imagine the Sun. In the theory of general relativity, the space-time around the sun would be curved, thus if a ray of light traveling in a straight line stumbled with this curved space-time it would have no choice but to appear curved, and so if two rays of light each one near the other stumbled with this curved space-time at the moment they went across it, their paths would grow nearer, until they crossed, so parallel lines would indeed cross there. The notion of a ray of light following a straight path and the curving sometimes troubles the profane, however, an earthly example is available. To understand it better, imagine a donut. If you had a pen and tried to draw a straight line to go from one point of the donut to the other across the middle hole without lifting your pen, you would find that this straight line curves not because you draw it curve but because the donut's surface is curved and as such curves the line you are drawing in it with your pen. Also, another notion I find interesting is the one that claims that the whole is always larger than it's parts, this is true in most cases and yet in mathematics it can be proved false. Let us take as an example the series of natural numbers from 1 to infinity, and the series of even numbers from two to infinity, you could think at first that the natural numbers from one to infinity are more than the even's from two to infinity, since they double them, however you would be wrong, since for every given number you have in the first series there is another corresponding number in the second series. So you would have, 1 with 2, and 2 with 4, and 3 with 6, ad infinitum. Therefore the infinite whole would not be larger than it's part but apparently equal. This fellows, is our language and wherever we go from here, and whatever happens to us, we will always have mathematics and with it a deeper understanding of the workings of the universe as well as the workings of the abstract. It is true I never got to know any of you very well, and to tell you the truth I never cared, however each one of you has my respect for the sole reason that you understand the language of science and because of that language, we are all brothers and sisters. Good luck fellows and work hard to grace the world with the knowledge you received here, in our University. "  
  
The hall went mad with cheers and clapping. Asuka was delighted and witnessed the success of her speech from the podium with a radiant smile, her chin up high. Kaji was proud and almost lost consciousness when he saw Commander Ikari applaud. He made no comment as he waited for Asuka to come running any minute now. Music had already started and some youngsters were already hitting the dance floor. Then Asuka came out of nowhere and gave Kaji a tight hug.  
  
" Did you see me ? Am I not the best ? " she asked, her eyes sparkling.  
  
" Indeed you are, indeed you are. " answered Kaji, for once in his life not teasingly.  
  
" Congratulations second. " a cold, toneless voice interrupted.  
  
Asuka was at a loss for words. Normally she would have kicked the butt of anyone who would dare to interrupt her and Kaji. However, this man, unknown to her, had an indescribable aura about him, he was eerie yet important. His presence weighed in both worlds, the one of the senses, and the one of the thoughts.  
  
" Who ... ? " She intended to ask and was again interrupted.  
  
" Ehhh, Asuka this is Commander Gendo Ikari, the top gun of NERV ." said Kaji.  
  
Asuka's eyes were wide open. The most important person of NERV had listened to her speech, her ego rose to the clouds.  
  
" Sir. " she saluted.  
  
" I have also been told of your amazing control of unit 02, that is good second child, never lose the sight of your purpose, you are an Evangelion pilot. That should be the number one thing on your mind always. "  
  
" Yes, I understand sir. " Asuka said. She thought so too. EVA was the pinnacle of her life, even more than her math she needed EVA, it somehow filled the void she had within.  
  
" Asuka I will have to leave you, the Commander and I have important business to discuss. He traveled all the way from Japan to see NERV's branch in Germany and the progress made here. I'll personally show him everything." Kaji hated lying, even if he lied all the time to several people both in his personal life and in his work he never enjoyed it, but it seemed to be a gift he had. A gift that had led him to his present life. Gendo was in Germany to check on Adam, however he was there also in part to see NERV's German installations, so it was not a complete lie, this relieved Kaji of a little guilt.  
  
Asuka did not want to be left alone on her graduation night. However, she nodded, since she didn't want to lose the praise she was sure she had gained from the Commander. It had been a wonderful night. She enjoyed being the center of attention so much, and tonight she had been praised all over, as a beautiful girl, as a genius and as an EVA pilot by the Commander in chief himself. And so when both men had said their good byes Asuka began to fancy again that the world was a creation of hers, and that everything that was, was only because of her mind.  
  
-  
  
Also on that same day ...  
  
** " The Light of Wisdom / A Knowledge That Brings New Life " **  
  
No one could deny that Ikari Shinji was a polite boy. In the past he had used this politeness to avoid conversation or problems with others, however Shinji had learned to like politeness and tranquility, because of his calm personality. Therefore he tried to be polite to others whenever he could, it was a way he had to relate. Another quality in Shinji was that he rarely complained, since he didn't see the point in complaining for every little detail. He still ate anything that was at hand regardless of the flavor, and he still listened to his SDAT and practiced his Cello three times a week. He enjoyed playing calm melodies, and although he would've stopped playing if his professor had told him to do so, it was not a burden or a duty for him anymore. It was as if Life was struggling inside of him to get out.  
  
Still Ikari Shinji continued being that apathetic young boy he had always been. He was no longer so scary to others though, although sometimes, when he got depressed, his eyes took on that lifeless statement he would frighten the hell out of everyone. Everyone around him had started to think of him as an introverted young man who just didn't talk much or enjoyed doing anything, but polite though. Those days Shinji started carrying his SDAT to school and whenever his classmates arrived and began talking to each other he would activate his SDAT and listen to tracks 25 and 26. Some girls even thought that he was cute, but never tried to talk to him since his reserved personality made him seem unreachable. Shinji never noticed any of this, he was always thinking but his thoughts always revolved around himself and his loneliness. He couldn't realize that his own mental isolation was the cause of this loneliness.  
  
Ikari Shinji liked routine and it calmed him to be acquainted with his surroundings. Even if he was unhappy at the house he inhabited with his professor he always thought of it as familiar. His routes to school were also familiar, as well as the seat he chose. Any unfamiliar surroundings made him extremely uncomfortable and affected his process of thought by making him think unfamiliar ideas. So, Shinji the thinker though skilled at thinking was not skilled at thinking of new things, although his capabilities for understanding made the ideas easy to assimilate he deemed them as unfamiliar and discarded them from his daily life. He thought he had learned that routine avoids pain, while new experiences bring it forth. And this was Shinji's sole purpose, to avoid pain, with tranquility and politeness though.  
  
Yet, the day was coming when Shinji would find his routine altered forever. It happened like this. Shinji had just got home and seeing he had no homework to do, followed the second step in his daily routine, and went to his room in order to listen to his SDAT. As he laid in bed he turned his SDAT and quickly realized this was not his usual music, and wondered if his professor had switched the tapes. He found himself listening to some classical piece he could not name, but that seemed familiar. It was also weird that this melody did not went slow like the music he enjoyed, and yet he enjoyed it deeply with all of it's twists and quick rhythm. He listened to this new piece for a long time and when he took his earphones out to grab a bite he felt as if he had a purpose, something he had never felt before. This purpose, though petty, meant at the time the world to him. He was to find out who the composer of that melody was, and what the name of the piece was.  
  
It seemed that his professor did not knew who had switched the tape, nor did he knew who the composer was. " How ignorant can a professor be ? " Shinji found himself thinking, such an odd thought in his daily mental routine. So the next day he went to the school music professor and played the piece for him. His music professor quickly told him that the composer was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, an Austrian musician, and that the piece was called " The Magic Flute ". Shinji knew that Austria was to the south of Germany and recalled from his history lessons that it was an independent empire ruled by the Habsburgs until Otto Von Bismarck unified Germany and Austria lost some of it's territories; he could also recall that during WWII the entire Austrian territory was in the dominion of the NAZI Germany. Thus he always thought of Mozart when the subject of Germany came forth.  
  
Shinji hummed " The Magic Flute " all the way from his school to his house. He felt happy. This discovery he had made to satisfy his curiosity somehow filled him with a sensation of warmth. So when he got home he suspended homework for the first time in his life and went to listen " The Magic Flute " and as he did, he fell asleep, a weird dream followed.  
  
-  
  
Shinji found himself in a scenery of red and blue. The soil was blue while the sky was red, and both seemed to extend towards infinity. Shinji began walking and yet was unable to find someone or something, he was experiencing anxiety because all of this was unfamiliar to him.  
  
He then saw a tree but when he tried to reach it the tree switched places. He followed the tree from one place to another and each time he did the tree seemed to be nearer and yet taller. Then the figure of his father appear, Shinji thought he would say " leave " as he always did. But this time he asked " why ? " As he faded from view. Shinji awoke.  
  
-  
  
When Shinji woke up he was sweating. His dreams mostly consisted of his father telling him to leave, he even had a dream routine of this, but now all of his routines seemed to be reaching an end. He wondered if this was some sort of omen.  
  
So Shinji went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and saw a package that had just been delivered by mail, in the table. In the package one could see the letters " To Shinji " though it did not say who had sent it. Shinji was curious and his curiosity got the best of him so he opened the package right away. Inside he saw a book that read * The Complete Works of Lucius Seneca *. Shinji took the book forgetting about the glass of water and as soon as he reached his bed he began flipping through the pages.  
  
He saw that the book consisted for the most part of letters that Seneca had sent to his friend and disciple Lucilus. He saw one that interested him, it read "* Letter CX : Philosophy Cures of Vain Fears and Vain Desires * he began reading through it, the first lines were on theology and did not interest him much. However when he got to the middle of the letter he read something that appealed to him very much, because of his experience regarding his research of " The Magic Flute ".  
  
The fragment of Seneca's letter read as follows: * We see nothing, neither what harms us nor what is important to us; all of our lives we go wandering without stopping or stepping more carefully. You see how crazy it is to run in the dark. However, if our wish was to see the dawn it can be done. By acquiring that science of all things human and divine, if he that understands this science did not bathe with it but rather drank it, and even after he knew it he would repeat it constantly. If he would look out for what things are good and which are bad, distinguishing which have been called by either name unjustly. If he does not stop, the human ingenuity will penetrate those limits, he would be able to see , where the universe goes, where does it come from, and what is it's purpose. *  
  
And Shinji thought all of this was true. He rationalized it was true. He felt it was true. To seek that which satisfies our curiosity, to know for the sole purpose of knowing. He again experienced that warm feeling from within. And as he closed the book to think of these new ideas he saw a paper folded in the first pages of his new book. He inspected it and saw some letters he couldn't understand, they were written with a fountain pen and read * Si vis tibi omnia subjicere, subjice te rationi * it was a quote from Seneca but in another language. He was so excited about this that he decided he would find out what that meant right away. For this he made a trip to the local library of which he knew the location but had never really been there. The words were in a romanized spelling so it was hard for him to tell which of those languages it belonged to, however in the book it said that Lucius Seneca had been a roman stoic philosopher who had lived around the first century a.d and thus Shinji deduced the language had to be Latin, for that was the language spoken in Rome.  
  
So he went to and fro in the library looking for the Latin section. When he got there he quickly searched for a Latin / Japanese dictionary and as soon as he got it, he went to a table to try to decipher what the quote said. And so, he looked for the words and the kanji. When he finished translating he read the meaning of the phrase aloud * If you would submit all things to yourself, submit yourself to reason * . He found it beautiful but did not understood the phrase right away and so he started thinking about it.  
  
He thought about it all the way home, and when he realized he was not paying attention to the route, he was already lost. He was not worried though for he was quick to know where he was. However he found it funny that this was the first time he got lost. Ikari Shinji had just lost his way in the physical world but had seen a guiding light in the world of the mind. He had begun to understand.  
  
To be continued …  
  
-  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: I just want to point out some things. I know that Rei is later sent to live in a place full of noise and dangerous in appearance. This makes my theory of Gendo Ikari keeping her in the Geofront longer for the sake of protecting her of pain, less plausible, I know that. However I will elaborate on that in future chapters. I will try to clean this story of any logical flaws in tribute to the logical master and story-teller Edgar A. Poe. If the letter of Seneca seems weird to people who have read Seneca it's because I translated it from spanish to english so maybe I didn't translate too well. As a final comment I want to mention my favorite evangelion fanfiction author of all times because I am grateful for all his stories. His pen name is Strike Fiss and he is the author of Higher Learning, Shinji the Casanova and Holding Hands. If you people ever have a chance to read his fanfiction do so, you wont regret it. His Lesson 41 of Higher Learning has been posted, wohoo!! So remember people, read Strike Fiss the first chance you have, he's pure class and talent. 


	3. The Mind Perceives The World

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Evangelion, nuff said !!  
  
-- The Will To Think --  
  
** CHAPTER II: The Mind Perceives The World **  
  
  
  
One year before the events in NGE …  
  
* " I Enjoy Being Perceived / The World Perceives The Self " *  
  
The effects that the Second Impact had in the global environment are well known. While in Japan summers would last the whole year, in countries such as Germany, winters would be longer and harsher. While in the beginning the global effects were disastrous to nearly every aspect of life on Earth as well as the infrastructure of the nations and their industries, they were gradually overcome by the use of science and world wide cooperation headed by the UN. It was not an easy solution since long winters as well as prolongued summers had the effect of ruining agriculture and gradually transforming the regions that suffered from such climates into deserts or tundras. However by the use of terraforming technology as well as hydrophonic farms, developed countries were able to regain their past splendour. Developing countries on the other side were never able to recover from these effects, and their economies, completely indebted with the IMF, crashed, resulting in regional economic chaos for those countries. The economy world wide was also affected, however the measures of the EU, the USA as well as Japan, China and the asiatic NIE's prevented world wide economy from collapsing.  
  
All of this struggling for survival tired the spirits of regular men and mankind as a whole suffered from mild depression. In Germany, because of the long winters, this depression was magnyfied and the rate of suicides rose during the second decade of the century. The government took measures to prevent further emotional collapse of the citizenry, one of this measures involved the construction of gigantic places of recreation known as Solar Domes. These structures were completely indoors, and the climate was regulated through technology giving the impression that the ceiling was a blue sky in a sunny day. Sorhyu Asuka Langley bought a beautiful sun dress for the sole purpose of wearing it in the Solar Domes were she spent most of her spare time, walking around and stealing glances from hormonal teenagers everywhere she went.  
  
" Did you see that Gunther ? " asked one blonde youngster to another regarding a read headed beauty that passed them by.  
  
" Yeah Johann, she is hot man. " was his reply.  
  
" She is always here. Sometimes she brings books on math and just reads them. Other times she walks around, giggles and appears lively. On occasions when she thinks no one is around, her mood seems somber and her face assumes a sadly expression. " Said another, he was of Turkish ancestry and his skin was darker. His name was Soliman.  
  
" You seem to know a lot about her. " said Johann.  
  
" She is just lovely you see. She is so beautiful that my reputation as a ladies man would surely increase a whole deal if people saw me with her. " replied Soliman.  
  
" Yeah, like you could pull that off !! " Gunther said teasingly.  
  
" You wanna bet ?? " Was Soliman's confident retort.  
  
" How much ?? " asked both of Soliman's friends.  
  
" How about twenty euros. If I win each of you pays me twenty, if I lose I pay twenty to each of you; deal ?? "  
  
" Hold on; what does the bet stands for ?? Dating her, kissing her ?? " asked Johann.  
  
" I tell you man. I've seen plenty of guys trying to approach her, she just looks at them with contempt; seeing this, they turn yellow and run. " stated Gunther.  
  
" Maybe she is testing them; or maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to others. " said Soliman with a smirk.  
  
" What do you mean ? " questioned Gunther.  
  
" Well, look at her. She is so pretty. This probably intimidates everyone who wishes to talk to her. Also, she seems to enjoy math a whole deal, and by what I have seen it isn't junior high math. Therefore she must be pretty smart and this constitutes another barrier. I tell you, she is lonely and insecure; vain perhaps, which is yet another barrier. She is faking the whole attitude to push people away. "  
  
" How do you know that much ?? " inquired both his friends surprised.  
  
" When it comes to women, I'm an expert; you've seen it. So, you still wanna bet or are you chickening out because you accept defeat ? "  
  
" No way !! " both friends answered.  
  
" Then I´ll bet you this. I bet that she accepts to go on a date with me and that I'll kiss her at the end of the date. "  
  
" You are on man. " said Johann and the three friends nodded. They were not aware of a black haired girl spying on them with a disapproving look, her eyes casted angrily on Soliman.  
  
-  
  
A day went by. The next day Asuka had synch tests and was unable to go to the Solar Dome. She was free the following day so she went. Soliman was glad he would finally have the chance to try and talk to her. He made his move while she was catching up with some new theories by the newest mathematicians.  
  
" Hi, " was his first line.  
  
Asuka pretended not to listen and continued reading, hoping that he would go away. She was surprised though. In the past, many guys had tried to talk to her, all of them had chickened out before even saying hi.  
  
Seeing that she wasn't responding he handed out a rose to her. He held the rose between her book and her eyes so that it would be impossible for her to continue ignoring him.  
  
" Some say nature can be understood with mathematics, " he said " I trust that you can tell me how to describe your beauty with numbers. "  
  
Asuka enjoyed the compliment and took the rose in her hands. She realized that he had been working on that line though.  
  
" How many days did it took you to come up with that line ?? " she asked, faking indifference and still not looking up.  
  
"Many days indeed; but if I was able to get your attention then those were days well spent."  
  
Asuka finally looked up and was surprised by Soliman's looks. Because of his Turkish ancestry his skin was darker, however his eyes were green and his features were a mixture of German and Turkish features. His eyebrows were thick and he had long eyelashes. He was tall and seemed strong. He also seemed comfortable talking to her which was an event she had never witnessed before. That is, of a young man confident enough to approach her and to start a conversation with her. She was pleased by his appearance and his manners.  
  
Seeing her reaction Soliman's confidence grew and he sat next to her with a relaxed movement.  
  
" What's your name ? " he asked.  
  
" Asuka; what is it that you want ??? " she questioned suspiciously.  
  
" I just want to get to know you. "  
  
" Why ?? "  
  
" Because I like you and you seem to be an interesting person. "  
  
Asuka loved compliments and as long as they didn't seem spurious she accepted them happily. Because of this she began to relax as Soliman talked his way into her mind. Asuka didn't talked much but rather listened to what Soliman had to say. He had realized that she wasn't one to share experiences or emotions, the most she could share he noticed, were her accomplishments. She told him a couple things, like she was gifted and had graduated from university a year ago. Soliman did not expect her to be that intelligent; however he commented on that, complimenting her even more but keeping the compliments at a level where they wouldn't sound hypocritical. He then told her he had to go, being aware that she wanted to hear more; he knew that he would have a chance as long as she felt curious. Therefore he left soon so that he would leave her longing for more conversation. Soliman was experienced at this kind of thing; even though he was only fifteen, he had always found his way with girls. This would not be the one to get away. Before leaving, he told her that he would meet her the following day in the same spot, and, although Asuka did not reply nor showed any sign that she cared he knew that she liked him.  
  
-  
  
That night Asuka spent thinking. She had never being involved with a boy before. Even if she always acted extroverted and as if she didn't mind others, the truth was that she always paid attention because that's what she wanted, attention. While in the University, she had listened several conversations about boys, but was too young to care and too young to be involved with any of the students who were several years her senior. From what she had picked up in those conversations she had deduced that all boys were perverts and that they were always thinking of ways to get a girl in the sack. She had always thought that for her, the only man there was or there would ever be was Kaji, deep inside however, she knew that Kaji was too old for her and that he only saw her as a little girl.  
  
When she found she had more spare time, because she was now a college graduate, she found herself thinking more and more about boys. She was very curious seeing that she had no male friends her age and that she had never really talked to a boy. Soon she noticed that her body had started to develop and that there were curves were there weren't before, this she enjoyed because whenever she took a walk in the Solar Domes boys would notice her more and her ego would boost.  
  
Asuka was too proud to ever talk to a boy even if she was curious and too vain to show interest even when she was really interested. Because of this, she found the experience of that day very exciting. Not only a young man she considered handsome had approached her, he also seemed confident and smart; though not as smart as she. She just kept thinking about what would happen next and with that thought in mind fell asleep.  
  
-  
  
The next day which was a tuesday, Asuka and Soliman met in the designated spot. Soliman did most of the conversation; Asuka was however more talkative this time. On wednesday Soliman and Asuka took a walk around the Solar Dome and she discussed the basis of her abstract science with him, he tried his best to understand and comment. Asuka was pleased by this. On thursday they went swimming to one of the pools inside the Solar Dome, Asuka seized this opportunity to show off her feminine charms in her swimsuit, Soliman was amazed by her beauty. When Asuka was about to leave, Soliman asked her if she wanted to go catch a movie. Asuka seemed thoughtful but agreed, it was set that on friday night they would attend the enormous theatre that was located just a few blocks from the Solar Dome. They would not see each other until 7 pm that day because Asuka had synch tests in the morning. For Soliman this was an opportunity to tell the newest details of his date with Asuka to his friends Johann and Gunther.  
  
-  
  
" So ?? " asked a curious Johann.  
  
" We're going on a date tomorrow and we'll be making out by the end of the day. "  
  
" We´ll have to see about that, " commented Gunther skeptically.  
  
" And you will see indeed. Here's what we'll do. Asuka and I will be leaving the theatre around nine and since she lives in an apartment with her guardian only ten minutes away from there, you can expect us to arrive at her apartment complex about 9:10 – 9:15 at most. I'll leave her at the door of her building and there we will kiss. I'll give you the adress and you will see for yourselves. "  
  
With that said, the three friends went their separate ways and agreed to see each other after Asuka had entered the apartment complex. At this point the bet would be paid to whomever had lost. That is, Soliman would pay them if he failed to kiss Asuka and they would pay him if he did the deed.  
  
-  
  
Asuka reached her apartment that night with a joyful mood. It had been a while since she was so happy. Kaji was suspicious of all this; being a spy made him more sensitive to this matters, it was one of the traits needed in his profession; to know what another thinks just by looking at him/her.  
  
" Why are you all smiles tonight ?? " he asked, a beer in hand.  
  
" No reason in particular, " was her answer.  
  
" I see. Maybe a guy ? "  
  
" Kaji; are you jealous ?? " she questioned with enthusiasm.  
  
Kaji just smiled; he could smell a guy all the way. After all he was known to be a ladies man. He knew women perfectlly well, their reactions, the way they felt with certain things, the types of women one could encounter, etc. He knew them all to well, except for one of them who used to confuse him all the time. Katsuragi Misato, he wondered if she was doing well. He knew she was well placed in the NERV hierarchy just as her father once was; and yet he felt that her desire to be in NERV was more of a personal vendetta than a professional aim. He just hoped she was ok.  
  
" Are you there Kaji ??? " asked a now angry Asuka.  
  
" Huh !!! Ah, sure Asuka, what is it that you wanted ? "  
  
" You were getting jealous, remember ?? "  
  
" Ah, right. " Kaji grew a sweatdrop.  
  
" I am going to my room Kaji, " she said; dissapointed by his sudden lack of interest.  
  
" Ok, " was Kaji's reply as he continued to think about times past.  
  
-  
  
" Amazing, " commented one scientist when she saw the results of the synch test being performed with the EVA 02 and its pilot. The second.  
  
" How did it go ? " asked Asuka through the comm.  
  
" Your synch rate is at 73 % Asuka, congratulations !! It is your highest synch rate up to now. "  
  
Asuka grinned. This day would be a perfect one.  
  
-  
  
Asuka was heading home in one of NERV's special transports. It would be absurd to send one of the EVA pilots via public transportation in a city like Berlin. Even with all that sense of independence Asuka had, there was at least one member of NERV in charge of her protection at all times. These members were to act quickly if any death treath to the second was in sight. Asuka knew this and although it bothered her a great deal that she had to be followed everywhere, it also made her feel important. She knew that NERV was now aware of the existence of Soliman. There was nothing she could do about it; however she did not feel comfortable at all, knowing that she would probably never have a private life. It had never bothered her that much, but now that she was seeing someone. Wait !! Seeing someone ?? She started thinking; when the hell did she started seeing someone ?? For all she knew she was just doing that boy a favor. However when she thought of him a smile crept up her lips.  
  
-  
  
When Asuka finally got home there was a teenage black haired girl waiting for her at the entrance of her building; or so she deduced because of the way the girl seemed to be looking at her; with a mixture of anger and sadness.  
  
" You are going out with Soliman tonight right ?? " the black haired girl asked confidently.  
  
" Who wants to know ?? " Asuka questioned in response.  
  
" I am his ex girlfriend Ana. I want to tell you something. "  
  
" Why should I listen ?? "  
  
" They are making fun of you. "  
  
This Asuka did not expect. She did not believe such claims immediately, however she was willing to listen, for Sohryu Asuka Langley was not someone to laugh at.  
  
" Talk. "  
  
" Soliman doesn't care about girls or their feelings. He has dated most of the girls in my junior high and usually dumps them after two weeks or so. He is always making bets with his friends and cheating on his girlfriends. "  
  
" Why the hell did you date him, in the first place ??? " a mad Asuka asked.  
  
" I thought that I could change him, but he dumped me all the same and I cared so much for him," the girl seemed in the verge of tears. " He made a wager with his friends Johann and Gunther that you two would be kissing by the end of the day. "  
  
" Is that so ?? "  
  
" Yes I swear. "  
  
" I'll have to see for myself. But now I know, " said Asuka more to herself than to Ana and stepped inside of the apartment complex.  
  
-  
  
Soliman arrived at Asuka's building at 6:30; Asuka was already waiting for him. He greeted her with enthusiasm but she seemed to be bothered by something. He asked her if something was wrong but she denied it so they began to walk towards the theatre. The movie lasted from seven to nine, it was an old thriller. Soliman tried to hold Asuka's hand two times and both times he ended empy handed. When they were leaving the theatre he tried to comment on the movie, however Asuka didn't seem interested and this worried Soliman, who didn't want to lose the bet and the girl.  
  
" What's wrong ?? " he asked, stopping on the way for a second.  
  
" Nothing. "  
  
" You are acting weird, " he stated matter of factly.  
  
Asuka kept walking and Soliman had no choice but to follow her.  
  
" Am I ?? What makes you think you know me ? "  
  
" Well, I know you have never acted like this before. "  
  
Asuka decided it was time to find out if Ana's claim was true.  
  
" I don't know, " she said " what if you only want to fool around ? "  
  
" Would I go trough all the trouble of introducing myself, talking to you, asking you out, if I only wanted to fool around ?? There are plenty of girls that are easy to fool around with; believe me Asuka I am not interested in such things I want to be serious with you. "  
  
" Really ?? " she asked with fake enthusiasm.  
  
" Really. "  
  
By that time they had gotten to the door of the apartment complex. Johann and Gunther were hidden behind a tree, watching the events unfold. Asuka who was being attentive to everything around her was able to notice them, but since she wasn't sure they were the alleged friends she decided to wait before launching an attack.  
  
" Well, then I'll see you on monday at the park, " she said and acted as if she was about to enter the building.  
  
" Asuka, " Soliman called out, feeling the eyes of his friends upon him.  
  
" Yes ? "  
  
" Do you want me to prove that I care for you ? "  
  
" And how would you do that ? "  
  
He approached her and tilted his head towards hers. Asuka stepped back before they made contact.  
  
" What are you doing ?? " she asked angrily.  
  
" I'll prove you with a kiss that I care for you. "  
  
" What if I don't want to ?? "  
  
" Don't you want to know ? " asked a very worried Soliman.  
  
" That's it. " This said Asuka took hold of Soliman's hand and led him to were his friends were hiding. When the three of them realized they had been caught, their faces turned white and seeing the guilt painted in their faces Asuka proceeded to grab Johann's hair and pull it so strongly that young Johann started crying.  
  
" What do you want ? " he screamed.  
  
" What are you doing here ?? Say it !!! " Asuka demanded.  
  
" We were waiting to see if you kissed Soliman or not, to see if we won a bet. "  
  
" What bet ??? " she questioned furiously. Soliman and Gunther were both so scared that they just watched the scene with horror.  
  
" Soliman made a wager; he said you would be kissing him by the end of the day, we said you wouldn't !!! " cried Johann.  
  
" Pay them !! " Asuka demanded to Soliman.  
  
Soliman gave both his friends the agreed money as Asuka released Johann. Then she turned to Soliman and slapped him with all her strenght. Poor Soliman ended up on the floor.  
  
" Get the hell away from here !!! All of you; and you, " she said signaling Soliman " you are worth nothing, get lost you piece of sh*t !! "  
  
The three of them ran with all their might. Asuka proceeded to enter the building. When she opened the door she saw the lights were off and as she turned them on, she saw a note left behind by Kaji.  
  
It read: " Gone on assignment, be back tomorrow. Dinner in the fridge. Take care. "  
  
Asuka was glad Kaji wasn't home, she felt sad and angry and she hated to be seen like that. She headed to her room and after punching the pillow for some minutes, she calmed down and stared at the ceiling.  
  
" All men are perverts and idiots !! I'll never trust them again, I swear… I don't need anyone. "  
  
And with this said, she fell asleep.  
  
-  
  
  
  
Around those days, in Japan …  
  
* " Social Perceptions / Entitities That Perceive Other Entities " *  
  
Across from where Gendo Ikari stood, was the EVA 01, the test type, the most important piece in Ikari's plans for mankind. Both entities stared at each other silently as if ashamed of their sins and uncertain of the future. There were no possibilities for Ikari however, the agenda was to be followed with utmost precision, there was no other way. Ikari knew of three paths the events could follow, the first one and most dangerous was the path of the Angels. If the Angels were to touch Adam, Third Impact would ensue and the consequence for humanity would be inexistence. If the Angels succeeded in merging with their progenitor, Adam, they would evolve to a higher existence while humans disappeared. The second path was SEELES's path, " the Human Complementation ". To produce a human Third Impact so that humanity would evolve to a higher existence by merging with Lilith. The third path was Ikari's path. By completing the steps in the Sephirotic System, Ikari would merge with Rei, carrying Adam in his embrionic state, and by merging the two supreme entities together, Adam and Lilith; who had been apart for 65 million years, Ikari would become a God. By possessing the power of a deity, Ikari intended to fulfill Yui's plans. To create a world where individuality could be preserved but at the same time the understanding amongst human beings could exist.  
  
His main aim however, was to be with Yui, the only being who could understand him, and who had made him human; even if for a brief time, with her love. If the agenda was followed with precision, this wish would become reality.  
  
His plans were difficult to achieve, he had to complete a series of difficult steps so that the goal could be reached. He had to get rid of the Lance of Longinus, the weapon that had the power to neutralize the AT fields of mankind as well as the Angels. If Third Impact was produced by the Lance of Longinus then the AT fields of humanity would disappear and their bodies and souls would merge with Lilith. This was what SEELE wanted. For them, the Lance of Longinus was a key piece; for Gendo, it was just another thing he had to get rid off. The committee had never trusted Ikari but they needed him for the mean time and could not do anything to remove him of his position as Commander in Chief of NERV. While this lasted, Ikari had the upper hand and he intended to use it wisely.  
  
Gendo and Yui's agenda had been different from that of SEELE since the start; it was this fact, that made Professor Fuyutsuki who once intended to make the truth of all public, join them and their organization GERHIM; even if he stayed for other reasons. Gendo Ikari pondereded all of this and it all seemed spurious and void, it felt wrong. As if neither his path nor SEELE's, nor the Angels were correct. What where they all doing ? Why did Adam and Lilith split in the first place ? Why was Earth the battleground of such forces of metaphysical nature ? What was the deepest meaning of it all ? He could do nothing though, he needed Yui to know what to do; if it were not for her he would probably be fighting and gambling in places of vice and sensous depravation.  
  
There was a fourth path however, one he had developed aside from his own, one that was in progress as he thought of it. This path, he hoped, if erroneous would at least bring new answers and if correct, it would be the solution to all of the despair and senseless struggle.  
  
" Rei is ready sir, " stated Ritsuko who had been contemplating Ikari in silence as if trying to understand how his mind worked.  
  
" Fine. " Was his reply as they began to walk towards the elevator.  
  
-  
  
Ayanami Rei knew of no other life than that inside the Geofront and knew of no other way of life than that of obeying orders and submitting her body to experiments. She also did not knew many emotions. She knew despair, she remebered it well, as she remembered the words " You too can be replaced ". And although all these memories seemed distant and blurry, they were haunting and terrible. Because of this, Rei felt unable to bond with human beings. What was the purpose of it all if she could be replaced ? If she was not unique ?? Not that she knew many people though; her acquaintances were few and she felt nothing for any of them. She felt something for Commander Ikari, an emotion she could not describe but that biologically speaking, brought comfort to her organism.  
  
She knew facts about the world, when she was younger her time was spent in reading, mostly books on nature. It was nature that attracted her the most because she knew it the least. However, even knowing all these facts, she had been told by the Commander that she needn't know more and she believed him. So her curiosity for the natural world died in a way, because she never fed it once again. Helding to this utterance of the commander " that she needn't know more " she made no effort to know more. Her growth in that aspect came to an end. She still felt this sensation of biological comfort whenever she stared at nature on the occasions she was allowed to spend time in the external world. Like the first day. However these sensations seemed to be of no use to the Commander's agenda, and because of that, Rei did not give them the importance they deserved and neglected them. Boredom was not relevant either, whenever she felt bored she dismissed it as irrelevant and remained silent and apathetic unless ordered otherwise.  
  
Rei did not knew what the purpose of it all was, she had faith in the Commander's project though, and that is why she accepted all of it; what else could she do ? She often thought of things, and pondered many topics, but she could not share because there was no one to share with, and if she had someone to share with, she wondered if she would. It all seemed irrelevant, for she parted from the premise that her existence was irrelevant since she could be replaced. This was her reasoning, a reasoning that enhanced her isolation of the external world.  
  
Rei was curious that day though, because from that day on she would be doing things she had not done before. She had been told that a place had been arranged to function as her living quarters. She had also been told that she would be attending school; with people her age, she had never seen a human being her age.  
  
This was what she was thinking when she saw the Commander and Ritsuko emerging from a door nearby.  
  
" Are you ready Rei ? " asked the Commander with an emotionless tone.  
  
" Yes, " was Rei's also emotionless answer.  
  
Ritsuko was thinking that the two less emotional people she knew were behaving even more cold that day. This she observed with suspicion. It was as if there was no will to live in either of them. They were both machines and she realized sadly that she was becoming one herself.  
  
" Then let us go, " said the Commander.  
  
The three of them stepped inside a dark vehicle and the vehicle took off.  
  
-  
  
The Commander nodded approvingly as he inspected the place. The room were Rei was to live resembled greatly her past living facilities. Rei felt she needed no more than a bed, a bathroom, a kitchen and a few shelves to put her clothing and that was what she was given. The uniforms for the school as well as Rei's undergarments were already there. The moving was complete and Rei was to live there from that day onwards. The Commander and Rei were both extremely silent during this inspection; Ritsuko only asked Rei if she needed anything else and Rei replied with a negative. As Gendo and Ritsuko headed for the door to leave, Gendo spoke.  
  
" This is were you will live from now on. There is no need for your kitchen to be complex since we will provide you with food which you will only have to heat. The water, the thermostat as well as the telephone are functional. The telephone only connects to NERV installations since there will be no need for you to call anyone else. The adress of the school you will be attending has been given to you; if you need to perform tests you will not attend and instead head directly to the Geofront, we will let you know with time when your presence in NERV is required. All of this will provide a fachade for your true purpose, and it will let you get accustomed to people your age since when the time comes you will be piloting with partners your age. You will have to learn to work in teams. This is what is asked of you. Do you understand ? "  
  
" Yes. "  
  
Then the Commander smiled a little and said:  
  
" Take care Rei, report tomorrow at headquarters. "  
  
" Yes. "  
  
With this Ritsuko and Commander Ikari exited the apartment and left Rei to her thoughts.  
  
-  
  
In the way to NERV the Commander seemed even more distraught; Ritsuko felt the need to ask him something.  
  
" Sir, don't you think the location you chose for Rei to live in, is in a dangerous area ? "  
  
" I believed of you to be more observant Doctor. Rei's apartment is the only one occupied in that building. That building was to be an office complex whose construction was abandoned, I purchased the whole building for the sole purpose of placing Rei in it some day. You see, the area around the complex has no land value and the construction sites around it make it even less appealing. Nobody even cares or notices the building. Since Tokyo 3 has a low population and this population consists mostly of NERV employees which belong to the middle class, there is no crime index or homeless people. Thus I am not worried that a homeless individual would try to sleep in that building. For any other sort of criminal there is NERV security; or do you really think Dr. that I would leave the building unwatched ? She is being watched all 24 hours. She will be fine. "  
  
" I see. "  
  
The rest of the road, both Ritsuko and Ikari remained silent. Each of them had a lot to think about.  
  
-  
  
With the dawn of the new day came also a new routine. Rei woke up at 6:00 am sharp and proceeded to change her clothings, she then washed her face and left the apartment. She had already memorized the map so that the time of her route would be shortened.  
  
And thus she arrived early, earlier than most of the students it seemed. Rei knew what the theory of scholar systems was all about. The young were gathered and taught in rooms by a sensei, the sensei used a board as a student uses a sheet, by writing in the board words or numbers the sensei taught the students: science, history and language. This was what Rei knew; she also knew that as the student progressed in years as well as in school, the senseis became more specialized and finally the students themselves chose a field were they would like to be experts in and went to Universities in order to learn that particular part of knowledge thoroughly. She knew all of this but did not knew how it all went in the practical sense.  
  
Rei knew what classroom she was to look for and with the determination of one who is on a mission, she walked across the school to reach her destination, paying little or no attention to the teens that had already arrived. Since no one had gotten to the classroom yet but her, she had to make a decision which was something she was not accustomed to; for it had always been irrelevant. She had to decide where to sit, and even when she could have picked the seat nearest to the door, she chose not to and went to a seat near the window, were sunlight was more abundant and one was able to see the entire gardened area.  
  
She sat there quietly and waited while gazing through the window. Soon she began to hear the noises of the arriving students. All of them nervous for being this their first year of junior high. Rei's curiosity got the best of her and unusual to her nature she turned around to see her classmates. Two odd looking boys by the door caught her attention. It seemed as if they, just like her, knew no one, and although one of them seemed strong he also seemed to be scared. The other was recording the events in his video cam. He seemed very curious about everything. Both of them finally sat down, apart from each other.  
  
Rei also noticed that some boys were staring at her. But dismissed this as an irrelevant event. The sensei arrived, he appeared to be a fragile and serious old man; after introducing himself he began to talk about the Second Impact. He also told them that since there was a shortage of teachers in the school he would probably be their professor for all three years of junior high. The entire classroom sighed. Only one brownhaired girl appeared very enthusiastic during the whole class, she wrote down everything the professor said and occasionally asked questions. Her name was Hikari Horaki.  
  
During the class, the girls next to Rei tried to talk to her. At first she nodded or denied when someone asked her something, however when she was asked to comment on something or give her opinion, she said that she had not been ordered to talk. This freaked out some people who stopped trying to talk to her. When the bell rang and the students left the classroom, some boys approached Rei and also tried to start a conversation. Rei told them the same and left the classroom with indifference. She knew that when the bell rang, it could only mean two things, one was that the school day was over and the other was that it was time for lunch brake. She hadn't brought a lunch so she only headed out towards the gardened area and sat to wait for the bell to ring again. Her attitude disencouraged anyone who had in mind talking to her.  
  
From that spot she witnessed an event she thought interesting. The boy with the video cam had accidentally bumped into another boy while filming the school. The other boy was not happy because his lunch now lied on the ground.  
  
" Hey four eyes, what's your problem ??? " he said pushing the boy with the glasses.  
  
" My name is Kensuke, and I am sorry but I didn't do that on purpose so leave me alone. "  
  
" I'm afraid that won't be happening, " said the other with a menacing look. " If you give me that cam of yours I might forgive you though. "  
  
" My cam, no way !!! "  
  
" That's it then. " And with this said, the boy pushed Kensuke who helplessly fell on the ground. Then this other boy kicked his camera and Kensuke covered his face so that the other kid would not punch him there.  
  
" Stop that !!! " said another boy; this one was the other boy that had caught the attention of Rei at the beginning of the day. The one that seemed strong but scared. Or maybe not scared but timid.  
  
" Why should I ?? " said the mean one.  
  
" Cause if you don't I'll kick your ass. "  
  
" We'll have to see about that. "  
  
And with this both boys got into a little fight that lasted no more than two minutes. The one who had been mean with Kensuke now walked away with a bloody lip. Then the boy in the sports outfit helped Kensuke up and handed him the camera.  
  
" Thanks man, I would have shred him to pieces if you hadn't showed up, you really saved his life, " joked Kensuke.  
  
" Sure thing buddy, what's your name ? "  
  
" Kensuke Aida. " This he said with a martial tone.  
  
" I am Touji, Touji Suzuhara. "  
  
And Rei witnessed how both boys shaked their hands and smiled. It was all very confusing to her though she tried to understand by making analogous comparissons with what she had read in her biology books regarding the behavior of primates. Rei also noticed the girl called Hikari Horaki watching the scene with a smile. It seemed that she had also witnessed everything.  
  
For Rei this had been the most curious scene of the day. And when the bell rang at the end of the class she went to her new home with lots of new thoughts to ponder about. Even if she thought it was all irrelevant and even if she had no one to share these thoughts with, even so, she just couldn't stop thinking about certain things.  
  
-  
  
Around those days in Tokyo 2 …  
  
* " The Vow To Reason / The Self Perceives The World " *  
  
A characteristic of skepticism is holding judgement. That is, a skeptic is not one who denies a belief but rather one who neither accepts it nor denies it, in expectation that further proof will determine the truth or falsehood of such belief. Skepticism presents itself in a variety of occassions, when one is about to effect a purchase, if the price of the object seems too high, one assumes a skeptical posture, neither accepting the price nor denying it, but rather asking the merchant why such object has such a price. However, even if we apply skepticism to such instances as purchases or aspects of life were our emotions are not involved, we abstain to apply it to our most sacred beliefs. We do not wish to doubt the beliefs we hold dear to us since that would imply emotional pain, we do not submitt such beliefs to rational scrutiny because we are afraid that reason may reveal us they are not true, or that they cannot be proved. However, when one has come in contact with the books, his life and thoughts are bound to change and his journey of painful doubt begins. Ikari Shinji knew of this, because he doubted, he doubted everything he once believed certain.  
  
Shinji's caming in contact with wisdom made him even more introverted, for he felt people would understand him even less. Shinji had found joy in his lectures, he had found a passion in thinking and in exploring the world of the ideas through the books of authors long gone. He knew the exalted feelings that wisdom and knowledge could bring about, he believed the search for the truth and the hunger for knowledge were the maxims of mankind. Yet, he had started to doubt even this.  
  
In the past year since his readings of Seneca, he had read a wide variety of philosophers and literates. And he had devoured all of this seeing he had no friends nor any other interest to divert him from his search of knowledge. However he was the loneliest he had ever been, his appetite for wisdom had isolated him even more from anyone who had the potential to become his friend; he no longer listened to the babbling of his professor and sometimes he would even be rude and he would run away from everything to find comfort in the fiction of his novels or the ideas of the philosophers.  
  
Shinji's reality had never been enough for him. He had never wanted it nor asked for it. He had hated his life and his persona for as long as he could remember. He had hated his father for so long and with such intensity that it felt as if all his emotions had been drained from him in this single act of hatred and because of this, he had for many years, the feeling that he would not be able to bond with other human beings. He no longer believed this though; but he could not deny it either because he had never tried to bond with anyone, acting on the premise that he couldn't or that he was going to be left behind. Shinji had realized through his philosophy that his theoretical beliefs had no evidence to support them. They were logically faulty too. He was now aware of all this; his consciousness had been evolving as his thoughts had become more complex, now he could see things with a different perspective, one which was aided by reason though not by experience.  
  
He felt the need to know if his conclusions from years ago were correct or erroneous. Since, even if his premises were wrong, he knew that a truthful conclusion could be derived from false premises and because of this he longed to know the more; if he was fit to be a member of society or if he wasn't. For this, he had to experience social contact, something he feared with all his heart. He had been avoiding it for so long that he could hardly remember a conversation with any kid his age. However his curiosity was stronger than his fears, or so he wished it to be, and with this idea in mind he tried out some thought experiments. That is, he imagined how would a conversation with other youngsters would go, imagining their reactions and his reactions, as well as the environment and the dialogue. Fortunately for Shinji, his contact with novels and short stories had made him more adept to know what social relations and people's emotions were all about, at least theoretically. At least he knew the theory and this he felt was a first step.  
  
This was only one of the dilemmas Shinji faced. Although he had never been a religious person, he had always thought there was a God or supreme being who had created things as well as living beings. He had even talked to this being, he had done it a few times when he had been very scared or very sad, and even if he had received no answer he had felt better as if such being had heard his words. However, he could not understand how a feeling could be evidence of the existence of such being, and so he searched for answers in the philosophers.  
  
Descartes was a firm believer in the existence of God; however, Shinji felt that Descartes reasoning was flawed from the start. In his meditations Descartes held from the beginning that God existed and that such existence was proved by the sacred scriptures that were the words of God himself. Descartes philosophy was set from the start to prove the existence of God to infidels and non-believers by reason. Shinji was not able to find comfort in his arguments though; he felt that for  
  
every trouble Descartes couldn't solve he recurred to God and this he did not approve.  
  
Shinji then read William James, whose pragmatic conception held, that if a belief worked positively in the state of mind of an individual such belief should be kept; seemed wrong to Shinji who recalled reading of a similar theory by Plato and also disagreeing with it. Shinji valued truth above all else and was not willing to accept something just because it felt good, he had been doing that all his life; accepting things to avoid problems and accepting beliefs out of fear of finding out if they were true or not.  
  
He was at a loss in this field too, the field of truth. Was there an absolute truth ? Was truth relative to the individual ? Was truth a reality ? Was reality real ? Shinji found so many dilemmas in these questions that he felt many times like running away and abandoning philosophy, his only true passion. He felt he was not capable of answering all those questions at that time, he felt he needed more experience as well as more wisdom to determine whether all knowledge was void and delusive or whether there was a truth behind it all, a meaning and a purpose. To know if the world was chaos or cosmos, or a mixture of both. He wanted to know but he suffered because of it.  
  
The first thing he needed in order to pursue his path to wisdom, was to live. He had never lived. In the past he had always acted like a machine, he had felt as if he had no purpose, he had felt no passion from within nor any curiosity. He had held the idea that he was loved by no one and that no one cared. He still felt no one cared; he was beginning to care though, he cared to know and as long as he cared about this he cared also for himself. This was his first step in gaining a self esteem, but he still had to go a long way.  
  
Because of this he made a decision. One he thought he would never be able to do. He decided he would go to the place of his mother's grave. He suspected that his mother wasn't really there, however he felt the need to go so that he could drain strenght from her. Strenght that he needed to pursue the path of wisdom.  
  
He told his tutor of his designs and he in turn, gave Shinji enough money for a round trip and for food; wishing him good luck. Yui's grave was near Tokyo 3, the city where his father worked. Shinji had not heard anything from him for two years. They used to meet precisely at that spot, in the anniversary of Yui's death. However, two years ago, Shinji had ran away from him and from that point they had neither talked nor seen each other.  
  
-  
  
A few days before that, Gendo Ikari had told Kozou Fuyutsuki that he could take the week off. Seeing that Fuyutsuki never ceased to work Gendo considered that giving him a week off couldn't hurt. After all Gendo's schedule that week wasn't very tight. He would even have time to see that Rei got installed in her new apartment and that she attended school for the first time the next day. Gendo Ikari also knew that the time of the Final Judgment was approaching, and no one would be able to take days off when those times fell upon mankind.  
  
Fuyutsuki, who didn't know what to do with all that spare time, figured that visiting Yui´s grave would be a good idea. He knew the grave was empty, there was however this feeling of peace and goodness that he experienced whenever he went to the cementery. He knew that Ikari felt the same thing, which was the reason of him visiting the cementery every year on the anniversary of Yui's death.  
  
However as he approached Yui´s grave he noticed there was someone next to it. It was a young boy with black hair. He did not know who this boy was, he was prepared to yell at him if he turned out to be just a curious bystander. Fuyutsuki had a deep respect for the physically dead and did not wish to see Yui's tomb insulted by the curiousity of strange adolescents.  
  
" What are you doing here boy ?? " he asked with a serious tone.  
  
Shinji turned around and observed Fuyutsuki with passive curiosity. Then he said calmly.  
  
" I'm sorry, is it forbidden to be here ?? "  
  
Fuyutsuki was shocked when he saw the young boy's face. So much like Ikari´s with a hint of Yui in it. " He can't possibly be … " he thought.  
  
" It's not forbidden, but only relatives and friends of the deceased are supposed to visit. Tell me boy are you a relative of Mrs. Ikari ?? "  
  
" I am her son Ikari Shinji, and who might you be ?? " Shinji questioned out of curiosity.  
  
Fuyutsuki was truly surprised. From what he knew Shinji had run away from his father in that same spot two years ago. He was supposed to be a boy with all the emotional weight that comes from being neglected. This was not expected. He didn't know what to answer.  
  
" I was her professor in College, she was a brilliant student. "  
  
Shinji's curiosity grew with this. He didn't knew that much about her mother. He found the concept of her being a brilliant student interesting, he felt this was a tie to her since he also thought of himself as a possibly intelligent boy. He used to think he had no special qualities and that he was worth nothing, however ever since he began reading the philosophers, understanding them succesfully he began to think differently though he still doubted.  
  
" Really, what did she study ??? "  
  
" She was a biology major with a masters in biochemistry. She was a gifted student and finished her studies at a very young age. "  
  
" I don't remember her, she passed away when I was four. " Shinji said, his features turned somber.  
  
" You come here often ?? "  
  
" No, I hadn't come here in a long time. "  
  
Shinji felt weird telling all of this to a stranger. He was not used to talk to people and much less to talk that much. However a few minutes before the arrival of Fuyutsuki, Shinji had made a vow before his mother's grave and with this in mind he was able to relax.  
  
Both males fell silent then. Both thinking of Yui. The student of one and the mother of the other. The center of all the EVA project, long gone materially and yet forever present spiritually.  
  
" I must leave, my train departs in 45 minutes. It was nice meeting you sir. " Shinji said politely.  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded and smiled as Shinji walked away. Then he noticed a piece of paper right next to Yui´s grave. Curiosity got the best of him, but he did not took the paper for considering it a disrespectful attitude, rather, he leaned down just enough to read what was written on the paper. It read:  
  
" Mother:  
  
Sometimes I've felt as if life was worth nothing. As if living was just a state things assume without purpose. Sometimes I've felt like dying, like running away of everything because it's all so confusing. Mother, I can't remember you and that's the truth. But I can remember your warmth, and the happiness I knew when I was with you, and that has kept me alive, that has kept me in this world.  
  
I've always been a coward, but I now know what fear is. There are the fears that are irrational and those that are rational, the irrational fears have no basis and yet they prevent us from acting or thinking straight, these are the most dangerous, for inaction can only lead to inexistence. Because of this I've determined to act and think with the aid of reason whenever any irrational fear invades my mind, like the fear of talking to others, the fear of people, the fear of being left behind, the fear of reality. I know it will not be easy, and I am just setting my mind to it but my actions most surely will catch up slowly with my thoughts.  
  
My intention is that what I think eventually becomes equivalent with what I do and for that I need strenght. I cannot drain this strenght from God for I have not yet accepted neither his existence nor his inexistence, I declare myself agnostic as to this. Maybe I need to see an angel to change my mind regarding this, I do not know. What I know is that which I recall from experience, like the warmth you gave me, like the happiness I had with you. This is why I come to you for strenght.  
  
In front of you is that I swear this. I vow that I will think for myself and use reason as a means to find truth if it exists, I vow that I will not be held back by irrational fears, I vow that I will struggle to find my purpose and my happiness if such a thing exists. I know I am alone in this; however I feel that you are by my side and with that, I may be able to succeed in my search for true wisdom.  
  
Ikari Shinji, 2014 A.d. "  
  
  
  
" I wonder what will Ikari think of this." Fuyutsuki said with a smile as he realized that new hope sometimes comes from unexpected places.  
  
To be continued …  
  
-  
  
Author's notes: Again thanks to all people who read and reviewed my first two chapters. I hope you enjoyed this one. Any criticism is appreciated as well as nice comments, if you have any. I am afraid I have no spell checker in my computer and I have no ways to see if my grammar is correct so if anyone has any advice on that I'll appreciate it, but please be specific because otherwise I can´t solve the problem. Thanks again to comrade wolf_soul for his help in the editing process of my first two chapters. His witty remarks were also very helpful. Next chapter will most probably develop in the NGE timeline, enough of exploring their pasts.  
  
I want to point out a fact regarding the name of the turkish guy who pursues Asuka in part one of this chapter. Soliman the Great, third in the family of the Osman, was a monarch of the Ottoman Empire, that is Turkey. He waged war with Austria and defeated them on several occasions. His purpose was not constructive though, his only objective was pillage and rampant destruction. Soliman laid siege to Vienna the capital of Austria but he was finally defeated. I chose the name because of the historical background of Soliman. Since Austria is to the south of Germany and both nations histories have always been connected; if you imagine Asuka the German girl as Austria in this scenario you will notice the similarities. Soliman approaches Asuka, defeats her several times, lays siege on her apartment, but at the end he is defetead. As the historical Soliman there was also no constructive purpose in his attempts.  
  
My theories on third impact may or may not be right. Most facts are true though, my sources are the EVA tv series, the EVA movies and the Red Cross Book. For example, Lilith and Adam indeed were a single being 65 million years ago but then split and each of them gave birth to either humans or angels. Gendo does say he needs to get rid of the Spear of Longinus in chapter 22. So I developed my theories on that and other facts. Thanks for reading. 


End file.
